WORDS MATTER

How many of us have used these words to describe ourselves?

Or said the following statements?

"I'm such a dummy. Anyone can assemble a bookcase, but I can't figure it out. I should have known I wouldn't be able to do it. Another project scrapped."

"I know I've met that person before, but I can't remember their name. Idiot! They'll think I'm an airhead, so it's better to avoid them."

"I'm nothing but a big, fat pig, eating that piece of cheesecake. I might as well have another piece. I'll never be thin. I've just got to be thin, it's the only way I'll be happy."

"My relationship didn't last, and it's all my fault. No one will ever love me again. I'm sure not going to let anyone know it bothers me though, that'll show him! Big girls don't cry."

"I just got fired. I should have known better, nothing works out for me. I'll never find a another job. I'm a total loser. Guess I'll just sit around and watch TV, until something comes my way."

"I don't think the secretary likes me. I had better do extra things for her. Maybe I'll bring in doughnuts, or get coffee for her every day. I can't stand not being liked, I want everyone to like me."

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Why does it matter what words we use? It's no big deal, right?

WRONG.

Words hurt when we start to believe that they define who we are. When we blame ourselves for life's problems, we give away our power to take action.

Maybe we can replace the negative self thoughts with kinder and more positive ones. 

"I can't figure out how to put this bookcase together. I sure didn't think it would be so hard, but then I've never tried this before. I think I'll ask Joe to come over and help me. He's good at putting things together."

"Oh gee, I can't remember this person's name. Well, I can just ask her. I bet a lot of people forget names after they meet someone. I remember that I really enjoyed talking to her."

"That cheesecake looks good! I'm going to have a slice and enjoy it. I've eaten balanced meals today, and a little treat is OK. I'd like to lose more weight, but my happiness doesn't depend on what I weigh. I'm learning moderation and exercising. It's more important right now to focus on being healthy.

"I can't believe we broke up. I've been crying so much, I should really be over it, right? Maybe it was all my fault. Wait, I'm not thinking clearly. People cry when they're sad, that's natural. There were two people in this relationship. I'll call Gina, she's objective and she's been through this before. I need some perspective."

"I just got fired! Wow, this feels bad, but I bet it would for anyone.  I really didn't like the job that much, even though the pay was good. I noticed they need help at the book store down the street. It might not pay as well, but I love books and talking to customers. I don't just want to sit around, I'll go down and talk to the owner today."

"I've noticed that Janet doesn't seem too friendly to me when I stop by her desk. I could be reading something into nothing here. Maybe she is just preoccupied with her own work. It doesn't really matter if she likes me or not, that's not how I define myself. I'll be courteous and friendly like usual. If she does have a problem, it's her responsibility to tell me, not mine to guess it.

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See the important differences? We are looking at the situations objectively instead of thinking that they happen because we are defective. We are taking action, instead of just coasting along, blaming ourselves. We have asked for help, instead of expecting that we should know how to handle everything on our own. Life is often messy and  problems happen for everyone.  Mistakes are a natural part of life, along with insecurities and uncertainties. We are not mistakes.

I am making a commitment to myself today. I will not use any kind of negative, derogatory or berating self talk anymore. My recovery depends on learning balance and perspective living in an imperfect world. Life is just too short to be so darn hard on myself! 

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It also helps me to remember that God loves me just the way I am, imperfections and all. If He can do it,  so can I.

"You are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light."

Ephesians 5:8

For more information on depressive illnesses:

University Hospitals

Mood Disorders Program

10524 Euclid Ave

Cleveland, OH 44106

(216) 844-2400